


lend me your ears

by tara_stofse



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, F/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tara_stofse/pseuds/tara_stofse
Summary: "You have an appalling lack of online etiquette, Inspector."(aka Phryne plagues Jack with voice messages)
Relationships: Phryne Fisher/Jack Robinson
Comments: 40
Kudos: 143





	lend me your ears

**Author's Note:**

> I was wondering how Jack and Phryne would use technology if they lived in modern times. I've decided that Phryne would use her phone to its full extent and Jack would use his like an annoyed grandpa. 
> 
> (I wrote most of this at 2 am this morning but I'm too annoyed with it to keep editing, so it is what it is now. Also, this is my first attempt to write for this fandom, yay)

His phone, facedown on the desk, vibrated.

That in itself made Jack sigh. Being reach-able at any time certainly had its advantages, but it also made him feel like a dog on a chain sometimes, having to respond every time someone yanked his chain. He put his pen down and picked up his phone. The notification made his frown deepen. 

The nice thing about notifications was that you could read messages without actually going into the app. Jack was thankful for that, as it allowed him to sift through his messages without causing offense by not replying.

It didn't work, however, when someone sent you a voice message. You needed to listen to it to know whether it was important or not, and once you've listened to it, the sender would know, therefore you had to respond. Jack found that he was instantly annoyed when someone sent him a voice message. It implied that the sender was either lazy, or in a rush, but still expected him to take the time to listen to them, even though they didn't have the bloody decency to type it out.

He could feel her taunting him through the notification, just as his phone vibrated again, and then again.

_Phryne Fisher_

_Voice message (2:16)_

_Voice message (0:30)_

_Voice message (0:05)_

Jack rolled his eyes in exasperation. Her messages ticked off a list of pet peeves.

Firstly, the long voice message. If she had so much to say to him, why didn’t she just call? Secondly, sending a lot of voice messages in succession. If anyone would know that he would find that irksome, it would be her. Which was, of course, exactly why she sent it that way. And lastly, the short third voice message. It was so short, why didn’t she just type it out, or say it in the previous one?

Of course, he knew exactly why.

Usually, their online conversations consisted only out of bits of information one of them had found, typed out in a telegram-like style. It was efficient and simple. Which was why he knew she was being deliberately frustrating right now.

He tilted his head and shrugged. If she was being Like That, he could be too.

He put his phone aside, forcing himself to carry on with his work. It was about half an hour before he finally caved and picked up the phone again. She would be suitably frustrated by his slow response by now. He turned the volume down and held the phone close to his ear.

“Hello, Jack!”

Her voice was just cheerful enough to confirm his suspicions. She was definitely taunting him.

“I hope you’re not busy…”

He rolled his eyes.

“… because I have made a couple of most _interesting_ discoveries this morning. Do you remember our dear friend Mosby? Well, I’ve done a bit of digging, and you’d _neve_ r guess what his sister’s fiancé told me…”

He could picture her perfectly, holding the phone close to her mouth, the perfectly maintained fingernail of her thumb pressing down on her screen. With every intonation of her voice, he could tell what her she was doing with her face. Her expression would be no less expressive speaking into the microphone of her phone than it would have been if she was standing in front of him.

He listened intently as she described a few discoveries relevant to their case. Her colourful descriptions made a small smile creep onto his face, despite himself.

The voice message ended almost abruptly, throwing Jack back into reality. He grimaced. Of course, she had to save some content for the next voice message, just to aggravate him.

He pressed play and held the phone to his ear again. Her voice was sultry and confidential now, almost like she was leaning into him.

“By the way, Jack, I know you don’t have a warrant to search a _certain_ warehouse near the docks, even though it’s the obvious place to search next. Luckily, I’m a poor, helpless civilian; and if I happen to get lost and stumble into a warehouse by accident… well, it’s not my fault, is it? Oh, and Jack-"

On that cliffhanger, her voice message ended. Jack mentally groaned and pushed play on the final part of the trilogy.

"... Thank you for lending me your ears."

That was it. That was the entire message. Jack could almost see her gleeful face as she had sent it, knowing full well that it was unnecessary and that it would annoy him immensely. Well, he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

He countered by typing out a perfectly punctuated message in reply, knowing the formality would irk her. 

_Thank you for the information. It will be taken into consideration._

****

His phone vibrated again.

_Phryne Fisher_

_Voice message (0:06)_

He sighed and pressed play.

"I'm at the warehouse now! Looks rather locked up. Of course, that won't be a problem..."

His well-worded response had clearly had the opposite effect than what he had hoped. He rolled his eyes as he typed back.

_If you're trespassing, I'd prefer not to know._

_"_ I'm in! That was fast, even for me. Might even be a personal record! I'm going to take a look around. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted."

_Please don't._

"Don't you enjoy my company? Oh, there are some suspicious looking crates over there. I'm going to take a look. Might finally be proper evidence, who knows?"

_Hardly proper, since you are trespassing._

"Oh Jack, don't be like that. Ah, there's a crowbar. I'm going to pry the crates open now..."

A minute later the next voice message came through.

"Nothing useful inside, I'm afraid. But there are some rather interesting numbers stamped on the outside. Q6393. What do you make of that?"

He put his phone down and opened his laptop to search the numbers. Phryne must have misunderstood his silence because a minute later, another voice message appeared.

"What, no answer? Don't you want to _voice_ your opinion, Inspector?"

He rolled his eyes. No matter how much she goaded him, he was NOT giving her the satisfaction of sending her a voice message. Instead, he sent her a photo of the search results, followed by a typed message.

_I have work to do, Miss Fisher. Please maintain complete radio silence from now on._

Of course, she responded with another voice message.

"You can't fool me. Admit it, you'd rather be out here with me than stuck behind your desk."

It was true, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

_Aren't you scared someone will hear your voice and investigate?_

That kept her quiet for nearly half an hour.

***

The next voice message that came through was followed by a short typed message.

_URGENT_

He frowned and pressed play.

“Jack, there’s a handoff taking place at Mosby’s place at one o clock. I won’t be able to be there in time, but you might, it’s closer to you-“

He sprang out of his chair. “Collins!”

***

The raid turned out to be fruitful. Two guilty parties were caught red-handed at the handoff, and they were willing to give more information for lighter sentences.

That meant that Jack had a rather busy afternoon. He was sat behind his desk, swamped with paperwork, when he remembered that he never replied to Phryne’s messages.

He knew she probably already knew everything. She had her ways to find out, but he decided that it would be impolite not to reply after her tip lead to two arrests.

_Two arrests made. Thank you for the information._

It was as if he had opened the floodgates. A voice message came through, then two more. She wanted to know everything about the raid. And what information did they get from the men they arrested? And-

He replied to the first few, then put his phone down to continue with his work. The phone vibrated a few more times after that but fell silent at last.

It was dark by the time he finished. He sat back tiredly and picked up his phone.

He listened to all eight of her messages. She explained how she came by the information about the handoff. He listened intently, although he would rather have heard all of it in her parlour over a glass of whiskey.

The last message was short.

“So now that you’ve heard my side of the story, it would be only polite of you to _tell_ me yours, Jack,” her voice taunted.

He could hear her mischievous smile. She knew that it would take him ages to type out and she was hoping that she could finally get him to reply via voice message. 

He deliberated for a while, trying to find the most infuriating answer he could. He found it.

_No._

She was online instantly and he could practically feel her irritation burning through the screen. He smirked. Of course, it was rather rude to reply to messages hours later. And to reply only to the last message of several. And to reply in such an unforthcoming way. But she’d started this game. Now it was his turn to purposefully ignore what she wanted from him.

Her response took a long time. To his surprise, she was typing.

_You have an appalling lack of online etiquette, Inspector_.

He stared at the message. A grin spread over his face. He let her wait a little longer before he brought the phone up to his mouth and pressed down on the screen with his thumb. 

"That, Miss Fisher, is because I prefer seeing you face to face," he said in a low, promising voice before sending the voice message.

He locked his phone and placed it in his pocket. Then he packed up, said his goodbyes at the station and stepped outside.

As he got into the police car, his phone vibrated again. He took it out.

_Nightcap?_

He started the car and smiled as he typed his reply.

_On my way._


End file.
